Do You Send a "Get Well" Card To Someone Struggling From Serious Depression or Other Mood Disorders?
Posted: Monday, April 23, 2007
by Mary Logan
Spectrum Solutions Coaching
Recent statistics say that 19 million people suffer from chronic depression. 2 million of those are children. Chances are you know someone struggling with depression but you might not realize it. If you are like me, when someone I know struggles with a mood disorder I stay "away" thinking it's "best to let them recover alone", and "they'll snap out of it sometime" -- I'll just wait for that to happen, yeah that's what i'll do, I think to myself. Why, I wonder, do we treat people with mood disorders differently from someone suffering from a medical problem? The answer seems obvious to me: The stigma of mental dis-ease is still alive and well. Overcoming this stigma for the person struggling is hard enough. As a friend or family person, don't fall into the trap of ignoring their plight since this will only feed into the already stigmatized disorder.
The most helpful thing you can do is NOT to treat the person differently. Get educated about the illness and get over your uncomfortable feelings and do the right thing. What is "the right thing" you might be wondering? My expert friend, Joan, has a unique perspective to share with people looking to communcate with those struggling with Mental dis-ease.
Joan is 78 years old and considers herself the "Queen of Depression". She has taught me a lot about this subject. As a child she lived with a mother who was clinically depressed for almost her entire childhood. Then her own clinical depression in adulthood followed by dealing with a son who has schizoaffective disorder. In between all of this she was able to stay married to the same man, participate in local politics and raise a brood of 9! Joan has an uncanny ability to notice when other people need something. She says or does "just the right thing" at the appropriate time. Her caregiver and nursing type capabilities seem to come naturally and we are all the more nurtured for them.
As you might imagine, Joan's opinion is invaluable since she has the perspective of a child living with someone's mental illness, as an adult going through her own bout with clinical depression, and as the mother of a son who struggles with schizoaffective disorder. Joan is the "go to" person to assist family, friends and others how to effectively communicate with people and do the right thing. She is sort of an all around Miss Manners with an emphasis on dealing with people who are struggling with mood disorders. Recently, I asked Joan to share her wisdom on how I should help my friend who is suffering from serious depression and anxiety disorder. I wanted to know what to "do" to make things better.
Joan is quick to point out that her recommendations are perhaps simply good manners and good friendship. Separating the "dos" and "don'ts" from those with and without mood disorders may be missing the point. According to Joan, as human beings we suffer at times. Whether we are clinically diagnosed as having "x" disorder is not the important thing but rather the fact that you are reaching out to someone you love during tough times. Joan recommends two simple but powerful methods for communicating with the person recovering.
- First of all, don't ignore the person. They need to hear from you. Calling and/or writing a quick note is always a good bet. Joan feels that calling the person is the first thing you should do. Simply say "I was thinking of you and hope you are doing well". The phone call doesn't have to be long or profound. A simple "Hi" will go a long way.
- Offer to do something for the person. For example, if kids are involved you might say, "I'd like to do something -- can I take the kids to dance class on Thursday?" or "I'd like to make you a little something for dinner. How would this Wednesday be? I'll drop it off say around 5 PM if that's ok.
By the way, Joan is also my mother. I love you mom!
Mary Logan is a professional coach specializing in support for families dealing with mental illness issues. Her wellness strategies can be found in her Circle of Support along with tools, tips and strategies at http://www.ucanthrive.com. She loves to hear from families so be sure to leave a comment!
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)I have to believe most of us have wondered what to do when dealing with others who are suffering from a mental disorder/disease. An excellent article and two excellent recommendations. Doing them will not make me feel uncomfortable in the least. Trying to figure out what to do, did make me feel uncomfortable. As a volunteer writing coach (got the title correct this time), I only found one typo. In the first paragraph "I'll" is with a lower case "i." This is likely due to typing the word "ill" many times in the article. A wonderful article. And I might add: It's great when a daughter listens to her Mom. Thanks for sharing!Avis, I'm behind the eight ball a bit on getting the hang of tracking responses etc. I wanted to thank you for you insight and comments. I'm glad to know a writing coach and you've inspired me to go back and check my spelling etc. on my articles!! And by the way, I don't always listen to "Mom" but more often than not I do!
hi mary, i suffer from depression, who the heck knows or cares if it's clinical or not. i do take medication so i don't go into a deep depression, which i have a couple of times. calling is good, but i never wanted to talk on the phone when i was depressed, but i liked listening to the messages, that made me feel good. i also started going for reflexology sessions once a week last june, and i can't even explain how or why, but they have helped immensely. now, i have "mini" bouts, but not debilitating bouts. i had two bouts of depression that lasted two years each, withing the last 10 years, and it is horrific. i was in bed more than i was out. i just came down to visit with the kids for a while, and feed them, then right back up to bed. i didn't want to go shopping, i didn't want to have visitors, i didn't talk on the phone, i just slept as much as i could. luckily, i have better coping skills now, and medication to help keep me from reaching those depths. oh, and i could care less who knows:) this was a good article, and your mom sounds divine, best regards, sue thomHi Sue, my heart goes out to you .... my mom is divine and she too had serious depression while raising 9 kids. She swears that "talk therapy" with her psychiatrist "saved her life". Of course there were no medications at the time and she has never sought that relief -- being from the old school and all! I appreciate your message and will pass along your sentiments to my mom, she's the best. Thanks for sharing your story. Be well, Mary
My son is coming home from the hospital tomorow. He was dignoised with bipolr, A.D.H.D and OCP. Three weeks ago he saw a doctor who spent one hour 35 minutes with him and sent him off with this dignoises and sent him with three different kinds of meds. The first week was phone call after phone call, saying he cannot sleep, focus, etc.etc. He was fired from his job, that he just started. He called and was told to not go off of them for three weeks. He could no longer be on his own and came home. He was so manic and so mixed up emtionally, he was up he was down and he just lost it. He was not our son any more. He now belonged to the meds that were discribed to him. Meds we now found out were way too POWERFUL for him. He was hauled away by the cops and put under close watch in the hospital. They found out he is not bipolar and the meds were making him a very scary person to himself and others. Anyway, it has been and still is a long road ahead for him and us. I'm asking about aprroaching him with what to talk about??? Do we still walk on egg shells around him????? What is a good atmosphere for him and us now???Hello, thank you for writing. I'm sorry to hear of your family news. Mental illness is complicated and requires having a good team of professionals along with a family approach to sort things out. While I cannot offer any advice I can offer you a free ebook which might aid in this journey for you and your family's new found situation. If you would like more information on my ebook, "After the diagnosis", please visit my "survive to thrive" blog and download it for free. All the best. Mary
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